Discomfort as the Doorway to Your Well-being

When you think wellness, you probably have images in your mind of laying on the beech, relaxing at the spa, reading a good book sitting comfortably on your couch or maybe cuddling your partner by the fireplace. Whatever the image your have in your mind, feeling good is probably associated with comfort.

Although relaxing is part of taking of care of yourselves, wellness is not a synonym of comfort and it is not a static state nor a passive process. It is an active and dynamic process that involves some level of stress and discomfort. To experience wellbeing and the richness of life, you need to regularly step outside your comfort zone and experience a healthy dose of challenge and novelty. As they say: “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

“No one ever got anywhere that mattered without stress and discomfort." Susan David

This is a post in 2 parts. In Part 1, I will cover what it means to step outside your comfort zone, what it feels like on the other side, and why and how discomfort is good for you. In Part 2, I will cover different tactics to help you get more comfortable being uncomfortable and, in the process, increase our health and well-being.

What it means to step outside your comfort zone

Stepping outside your comfort zone involves having the courage to do things that scare you and getting uncomfortable to pursue things you feel passionate about, that matter to you, or that are necessary for your health and wellbeing. The later may be one of the key reasons why so many don’t adopt and maintain a healthy lifestyle despite knowing better…

We experience discomfort whenever we do something new, unfamiliar, that is not done on autopilot or that demand efforts (a problem, challenge, or opportunity). This includes exercising, learning, expressing our true emotions, negotiating, thinking strategically. The level of discomfort can be big or small, perceived as normal, good or bad depending on many factors such as the assumptions you make, the beliefs you have and the knowledge and experience you bring into the situation.

What discomfort feels like

Discomfort can be experienced as a physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual challenge.

You experience physical discomfort when you try a new movement in a yoga class, leave your warm cozy living room to go for walk in the cold air outside, or when you taste a meal with unusual flavors or textures.

Mentally, you stretch yourself beyond comfort whenever you sit down to start writing a report or a blog (so uncomfortable for me!), try to understand a new concept, learn a new language or skill, or analyze a problem using different perspectives.

What does emotional discomfort feel like? For me, it is whenever I dare to express how I truly feel about someone’s behavior or when I do something that goes again the norm (like unschooling my son). I also step in uncomfortable territory when I take time to slow down and acknowledge how I am feeling about a difficult situation.

You can also experience spiritual discomfort, although I believe this is less frequent. This would happen for example when you put yourself in an environment that challenges your beliefs, your purpose, who you think you are or what you think is good or bad.

You can also experience different forms of discomfort at the same time. For example, if you challenge the way things are usually done, you may experience mental, emotional, and spiritual discomfort if you feel alone in your pursuit, you are breaking your mental models, and face disapproval from your peers.

You may tell me: “But wait! I have been outside my comfort zone for a while now with this pandemic and I am not happier, healthier or more fulfilled” or “I don’t feel good speaking up, how can that be good for me?”

Why discomfort is good for us?

Dr Huberman, the Stanford neuroscientist, and his research (Huberman Lab) suggest that the sense of discomfort or agitation that we feel when facing a challenging situation is a sign that our body is getting ready to act. If we choose to move forward (literally moving forward or taking action towards our goals or what requires our attention), we get a sense of relief (anxiety is transformed into energy) and even get rewarded with dopamine, the feel-good hormone. We are wired to move forward in face of stress or challenge.

Kelly McGonigal in her book The Upside of Stress also shares many studies showing that our body is built to reward sustained efforts, i.e. release dopamine when we persist in doing something that is not easy. Dopamine not only makes us feel good during the effort, but also helps us persevere and more likely to do it again. As a result, we feel more empowered and capable to tackle the next challenge.

Stepping into discomfort can also help you learn and rewire your brain. "You modify your brain by placing yourself into discomfort and using that as a propeller to move you into action." (Dr Huberman). Then, you get a hit from the process, allowing you to pursue things forever. Think of it as your behaviors come first to control your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. Your behaviors shift the way you are, your mindset.

“The stress response helps you rise to the challenge, connect with others, and learn and grow” (Kelly McGonigal)

Dr David Sinclair, professor of genetics at Harvard, has also demonstrated with his studies that high stress of short duration is needed to stimulate the cleaning and repair functions in our body i.e., the anti-aging mechanism. Whether it is exposure to cold, high intensity training or fasting, short but intense stress on our cells makes them less complacent and boost our health by getting rid of less efficient cells and investing in stronger ones.

“Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life” says Susan David.

McGonigal also demonstrates that “a meaningful life is a stressful life.” Doing what matters and what is right is quite often not comfortable. Doing what matters to us and acting in alignment with our values is essential to our well-being but can be challenging. Especially if we have fallen out of alignment and need to adjust our lives to be more authentic. As Rich Roll (author, vegan ultra-athlete, and podcast host) mentioned:

"The more we are willing to be in discomfort, the more resilient we become, the more alive we feel, the more connected to the planet, ourselves, and each other we learn to be." (Dr Chatterjee podcast)

The key is in the dosage

Challenge yourself too much or too often and you will end up with the opposite results to health and well-being: exhaustion, diseases, anxiety, depression, you name it. To properly dose your discomfort, you need to manage two factors: duration and intensity. High intensity is usually combined with short duration. Lower intensity needs to be combined with longer effort that requires some persistence through discomfort to generate benefits.

You also need to account for the compound effect of multiple stressors or challenges you are facing. If you want to challenge yourself physically, you may want to ensure that you are not maxed-out with challenges that are emotional (relationship), mental (demanding work assignments) and spiritual (existential crisis) at the same time.

What many of us are experiencing with the pandemic is an overload of discomfort coming from stressors on all fronts. However, if you have built your capacity (your resilience) in all areas and are ready to take on a bigger challenge, you can choose to place yourself in an immersive experience that will challenge all these areas (for example, a group expedition in the mountains of a foreign country).

You can get better at embracing discomfort

Embracing discomfort not only triggers our cells kick in the survival mechanism and makes us healthier, but it also makes use stronger, more courageous, and more resilient. The more we step into discomfort, the greater our ability to embrace it and to tackle bigger challenges that previously would have overwhelmed us.

The interesting thing is that the benefit you get from embracing discomfort in one area (say physical challenges) reverberates into the other areas. The sense of empowerment you get from pushing your physical limits will also translate into feeling empowered to tackle other types of challenges at work and in your life.

What is your relationship to discomfort?

In Part 2 of this post series, I will cover different tips to ensure that as you embrace discomfort, that you get the best out of it. In the meantime, I invite you to reflect on your current relationship to discomfort and how it is affecting the different areas of your life (career, relationships, health, finance).

If your health and sense of wellbeing is not where you would like it to be, where can you embrace more discomfort so that you create growth, wellness and resilience?